Who the Hell is John Stamos?

by Ken Baake

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $1 USD  or more

     

about

Some time recently I was on my computer looking around with some goal in mind, but as usual, was easily distracted. An ad came up promoting an article about John Stamos. The tease for the article suggested I would know him and be very curious about his quixotic encounter with fans in front of his house. The fact that I did not recognize his name made that assumption all the more strange to me. I thought he was a relatively new heart-throb. Turns out he's been around since the 1980s.

I think in times past most celebrities were more widely known than now, when the plethora of cable and Internet channels means we can each have our own private pop stars. But as I get older, of course I can't keep a lot of new names in my head. Memory is full. To get Kim or Khloe in permanently I would have to dump Lucy or John Wayne.

Of course, it will be my luck in a few years to remember Kim and Khloe's names and forget my wife's. And you can bet the Ks won't be visiting me at the Old Folks Home.


Of course, these famous faces appear in the Supermarket check-out line tabloids--which I always glance through. My favorite feature is "stars without make-up," although again I often don't know who they are with or without it. No matter. The magazines have gotten me though another price check needed for the guy in front of me buying one organic mango.

lyrics

C F
Who the hell is John Stamos?
C G7
From a story on the radio.
C F
I heard some crazy things
G7 C
About someone I don’t even know.
F C
In a fake beard, photographing
F C
His own house today.
F C
Next to all his fans.
G
Taking pictures too.
F G
Said I be surprised
Fdim C
If I knew,
F G
If I knew of his disguise
F dim C
If I knew,
C F(no 3) G (no 3)
If I only knew, C
Who the hell is John Stamos?


Who the hell is Tori?
I guess she struggles with weight.
Magazine by the ice machine
Said she can’t get a Hollywood date.
Bloated, or wasting
It’s just the price they pay
To be newsworthy
today.
You know that it’s a shame
If they knew.
But my question’s still the same.
If I knew,
If I only knew,
Who the hell is this Tori?
dm am
Who are all these celebrities?
dm
That burst into upon the stage.
F C G
While the rest of us are fidgeting in line?
F C
“Did you find everything you came for?”
F C
“Do you want that magazine?”
F C
Not unless you can tell me
G
How to find
C
Who the hell is John Stamos?

Who the hell are the Duggars?
God fearing family.
Splashed across my computer.
Problems, apparently.
Phony or forgiven
It’s the choice that’s come their way.
Their tribe will rally with them.
But what will cynics say?
That they would be surprised
If we knew,
If we knew of their disguise
If we knew,
But I can’t even say
Who the hell are the Duggars?
Who the hell is Elvis.
Apparently he’s come back.
I think I remember vaguely,
But my old brain’s gone off track.
Hero from another time.
Did he ever go away?
Aging tribe lights candles.
His songs will always play.
Would we feel devoted?
If we knew,
If we knew of those to come
If we knew,
If we could even say
Who the hell are these others?
Chorus
dm am
Who are all these celebrities?
dm
That burst into upon the stage.
F C G
While the rest of us are fidgeting in line?
F C
“Did you find everything you came for?”
dm
“Do you want that magazine?”
F C
Not unless you can fill in
G
This scene? C
And who the hell are these others.

Outro
C F
Who the hell is John Stamos?
C F
Who the hell are the Duggars?
C F
Who the hell is Tori?
G C
And who the hell are we?

credits

released June 24, 2015
Ken, vocal and guitar
Engineer/producer Amy Devoge.
Crossroads Recording Studio, Texas Tech.

tags

tags: folk Lubbock

license

all rights reserved

about

Ken Baake Lubbock, Texas

Ken was born in Baltimore in 1955. He grew up hearing everyone from Johnny Mercer and Ray Charles to the Beatles on the family hi-fi, with a usual Saturday encore of Wagner's operas. Ken has degrees in English and economics and a background in journalism. He is currently an associate professor of English at Texas Tech, teaching classes in rhetoric. ... more

contact / help

Contact Ken Baake

Streaming and
Download help